Beyond Bullying

Bullying is a culture wide phenomenon.
Young people are involved in it in schools as well as outside of schools.
To change it, we must work together to change our culture.
As we adults change our behavior, we can set a better example for young people.

Perhaps we can't change our entire culture all at once. But it's clearly time to get started. Each of us can probably make some changes right where we are now. The crux of the problem lies in shifting from an older style approach to a newer one, from a set of reactive responses to a proactive holistic approach.

People who learn about a bullying incident often experience feelings of anger, frustration, and fear. In the older style approach, they believe that they should 'strike back' at the perpetrator of the bullying and protect the 'target' from further incidents. Striking back often includes some kind of judgment, usually premature (such incidents often leave no hard evidence, and thus make it very difficult to discern the facts), followed by punishment (detention) or isolation (suspension or expulsion) of the suspected bully. So-called bystanders are often recruited in this effort, to help 'fight back' or tell authorities in order to get the bully 'in trouble.'

Although it may seem counter intuitive at first, this approach does not reduce bullying, and often actually increases it. One theory is that striking back is often done ultimately by adults, who inherently have more power. The bully feels, in turn, bullied by the adults and sees the punishment as just more bullying, where they are now the victim. In this way, the whole culture of bullying is strengthened in the mind of the individual we have identified as the bully, by the experience of retaliation. It is very likely that this person already experienced themselves as a victim, perhaps as a target of others in the same school or community, or perhaps at home or other places in life.

In the holistic proactive approach, adults begin by recognizing that bullying is currently practiced by many adults in our culture (see some examples, below). Young people naturally look to adults and these practices as models for their own behavior and means of coping with difficulties in their own lives. Although we may not be able to change our entire adult culture at once, we can begin by creating a community (such as a school, or a 'house' within a school) within which bullying can be reduced or eliminated by specific changes in the quality of the interactions between the members, adults included.

Each person in the community faces challenges in life, some more severe than others. Almost all aggression stems from our inability to cope with challenges we face in our own lives, usually through no fault of our own. As our schools and culture at large are based on competition (for grades, for college acceptances, for income, or for status and prestige), any one of us with trouble coping may feel isolated and unable to find someone who might help with our situation. As we may experience our feelings very strongly at times, and possibly conclude that we are helpless to change what we see as the causes, we may be tempted to resort to aggression against others as one of the few ways to express ourselves.

One means to improve this situation is to provide more ways for individuals to understand each other's challenges, feelings, and options. An environment, or community, in which cooperation and mutual aid is continuously emphasized provides each of us with multiple ways to learn from each other, express our feelings, and address our challenges without resorting to aggression. I say 'continuously' because competitive aspects of our communities will continue to be present and an influence. Grades and standardized tests, for instance, are not likely to go away very quickly. Therefore, without a continuing emphasis on cooperation and connection, the isolating influence of competition will tend to increase.

Here are some resources:

1. ABC News ran a story on bullying prevention in 2009 about how the principal of the White Pine middle school in Ely, Nevada changed the culture at his school with dramatic results.

2. Another excellent resource is Challenge Day

3. College programs for teachers could do much more, according to this article.

4. The Massachusetts Coalition of School-based Health Centers (MCSHC) held an all day conference on bullying June 8, 2010. For more information see their web site.

5. The Massachusetts Aggression Reduction Center (MARC) also has more information.

6. This just in. MTV is starting a new series about this, beginning on July 20, 2010.

Examples where adults set the tone for bullying (and can find alternatives to serve as better examples to our youth):

- negative political campaigning (so called "attack ads")
- gross misrepresentations by public and corporate officials (statements such as "nicotine is not addictive" or "there is no oil below the surface in the Gulf")
- unsporting like conduct by adults at youth sporting events
- worldwide examples of genocide, human trafficking, slavery, labor exploitation, environmental destruction, etc.